What would happen if you stopped letting everyone tell you people-pleasing was a bad thing?
Mr. Rogers called you a helper. You know it's one of your best traits and now you're beating yourself up over it. Why?
Because you're listening to your favorite mentors and coaches. Again.
We get so much from our coaches and teachers, until we don't.
We have to decide when enough is enough and when they are just, wrong. Wrong about us. Wrong about the world. And possibly...maybe...it's all made up.
I made some stuff up, too.
I listened to all of the stuff my coaches were saying and paid over $20,000 because they made me a promise. A promise that I would have a thriving business at the end of my 6 months with them. They didn't deliver. I followed the protocol. I did everything in the workbooks and followed directions just like I always have. I people-pleased my way through. I also had deep transformations and learned, on my own, that people-pleasing was happening at my expense. I decided to create my own relief; my own release; my own coaching tool - not to sell, not to DO anything with, but to save myself from what had happened to me because of promises not kept. Wildly enough, it worked.
Because it worked, I knew I had to share it with everyone like me. Everyone with a brain or body that wasn't keeping up with the able-bodied, neuro-typical course-creators and coaches. We can't keep being people-pleasers without it being at our expense! It's literally killing us!
Buzzwords like people-pleaser are getting a bad rap. But if you’ve been socialized and conditioned aka raised to serve others, you have spent a huge portion of your time, energy, and pure unconditional love in service to human kind.
Helpers help. People-pleasers SEE! We see the gaps. We find the hungry and feed them even if we have little to give. We see the weak and offer our own strength to lift them until they have their own. We love the beaten back to health and give of our time, energy, love and compassion- freely and most often without expectations…from the other person.
Many of us feel called to it. We know deeply that we are the helpers, the ones Mr. Rogers spoke of. We serve underground, anonymously, without grandeur or reward, knowing there will never be repayment or even gratitude most times.
In our sacrifices and service, especially when we offer it to our Higher Power, why are we so often left drained? Exhausted? Burned out? Why is people-pleasing becoming a bad word?
Because we do it at our expense.
Ask yourself if it’s true…are you serving without expectations?
Do you want the other person to feel better?
Do you want the other person to think of you as a good person?
Are you frustrated or upset when they won’t receive your help?
If you answer yes to any of these questions, you may be people-pleasing at your expense.
But we do expect to feel. We want to feel valuable. Worthy. Good. We please to feel better.
We please others so much that we are doing it at our own expense. Hoping, wishing, lying to ourselves that on the other side we will be worthy.
Why are we asked to help? Why are we asked to serve? Who would our Higher Power ask this of?
Only the worthy.
You are already everything you need to be.
You already possess all the value and worth possible to possess.
You cannot serve your way to more.
To have the strength and ability to lift another, you have to lift your own body weight first to be able to lift someone else.
What do you believe about yourself? Do you believe you are people-pleasing to control everyone else? Do you believe you are trying to feel better? Do you believe you genuinely want to serve, without expectation?
Do you believe there is anything wrong with expecting to feel good? To feel gratitude in return? To create value in the world as we serve? Are you one of the worthy helpers?
I know when I am trying too hard to get someone's approval versus helping out of pure unconditional love, recognizing my own worth and the worth of the beautiful soul I serve. The differences are sometimes nuanced and don't always matter. We only need to find awareness in our own deficit to feel of worth. When you are helping to feel worthy, you can be certain of one thing - you are mistaken because there is no mistake the Higher Power made with you. You are perfect, whole, worthy and purposeful without doing anything. As you are. You are pleasing without other people. You are pure magic - you don't have to be or do anything. Your existence is enough.
Allow, Release, and Believe it.
If you struggle to see your worth; if you struggle to stop pleasing others at your own expense, I have helped my friends, family, and clients to learn how to find their own worth and create value from the swirling ideas in their head.
Text your email and code word WEEK for a week of free coaching to see the speed and impact of Deep Search Life Coaching (even if you're a coach) to 725-277-5280